remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
