i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
