i was born a porn star she said
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
