My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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