No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
