I hate all girls vehemently.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
