16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
