if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
