I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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