Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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