It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
