Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
