I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
