She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
