it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
