it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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