Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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