Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
