is your mom at the bar?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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