dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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