Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She told me I should be a condom model.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
