Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I love having hate sex.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
