The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
