I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
