I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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