She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
