girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my poor anus
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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