I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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