Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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