put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
