I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
