White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
love makes seman taste better
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
