I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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