You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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