I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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