Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
