the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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