I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
