I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
