Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
