My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
