you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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