I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
