Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
