I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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