____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize