My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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