Do you still have your period?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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