Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
