i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
