Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
