Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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