drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
