Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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