she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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