omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
