I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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