I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
