You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize