the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
