this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
