She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
